Those four little words can be some of the scariest that another person speaks to you or that you must speak to someone. Crucial conversations are a part of everyday life, whether in our personal relationships or professional ventures. These conversations are called "crucial" for a reason – they involve high stakes, strong emotions, and differing opinions. Mastering the art of crucial conversations can make the difference between success and failure. Fortunately, there is a structured approach that can help you navigate these difficult discussions with confidence and success. (Grenny et al., 2022)
As a leader in many different aspects of my life (parent, work/school, church) or in high stakes relationships (spouse, parent, friends), I have a "motto" that a friend once spoke to me: "run to the tension". Essentially, have the crucial conversation. As much as I really do not like confrontation, I am way more confident when I go into a crucial conversation. And with these new skills I've learned from this text I can be even more confident and intentional.
Start with the heart: check to see what my intentions are for myself and others involved
Learn to look: do people feel safe in this conversation? (silence or violence emerging)
Make it safe: Step out. Make it safe. Step back in with mutual purpose and mutual respect.
Master my stories: see and hear - tell a story - feel - act.
STATE my path: share, tell, ask, talk, encourage (S.T.A.T.E.)
Explore other paths: ask, mirror, paraphrase, prime (AMPP)
Move to action: 4 common decision making ways are command, consult, vote and consensus
Applying these steps as a teacher leader on my campus can help me navigate those hard conversations that will inevitably arise. By recognizing the need for crucial conversations and employing a well-prepared mindset and environment, I can proactively address issues. When I start with the heart and utilize the S.T.A.T.E. method it empowers me to express my perspective effectively while encouraging others to share theirs. When I am able to create a safe environment and master my story it enhances trust and understanding. When I can explore others' paths it helps me appreciate diverse viewpoints and see there are always more stories with the same facts. Finally, when I move to action it ensures that issues are not just discussed but also resolved, leading to real improvements within our organization. Remember, the key to success in crucial conversations is not just about talking but about really understanding and working toward a positive resolution together.
Falk, S. (2022, October 2). . . - YouTube. Retrieved September 30, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixEI4_2Xivw
Grenny, J., Patterson, K., McMillan, R., Switzler, A., & Gregory, E. (2022). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high (2nd ed.). McGraw Hill.
Kaufaman, A. (2013, August 24). Friedman's Theory of Differentiated Leadership Made Simple. YouTube. Retrieved September 30, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9H-i9lHr28
Video Review for Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson. (2015, August 20). YouTube. Retrieved September 30, 2023, from https://youtu.be/EFaXx3pgaxM
Photo "friendly conversation? by Media by Wix
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